Better die

Sunday, April 24th 2011

Study,
Parent give stress..
Love,
Hard to have it..
Boredom,Always with me..
Siblings,Not easy to join with..
Today, when i woke up,
I don't feel fine,
I'm fine but i don't feel joy,
I went for drawing tuition,
Feeling tension and impatient all the time..
When i got back,
I went to online while brother was eating lunch,
He saw me sign in Facebook and said :" oi, Maple Story is loading.."I ignored him cause i've already let him use computer yesterday..So, it should be my turn today..
Suddenly, he took away the broadband and went away..
I was like, WHAT THE FUCK HELL??And i shouted at him angrily with tears,
it just came out, i can't control it...
and i went straight to my room with my pencil case..
My head full of "knife" this word..
In my room,
I zipped my pencil case open,
looking for knife...Can't find it,so throw it and everything dropped out to all over the floor..
And i found for the knife,
Got it, knife in my hand,I cut my wrist without hesitant..
In no time, the blood came out...
I was shocked, how? how can i do this? why? Just because of the small little event...
And i knew because all the anger, sadness and stress that hide inside my heart had exploded..
I lie on the floor, crying, ignore the blood....my dad called, Ugh! for lunch..
but i didn't go out, still lying..
Dad pissed off after calling me several time,
i went out to dining room after washed my wound..

when it's time to go out,
i said i don't wanna go,
dad shouted at me again,
"Are u angry with me?
I want you to come out in 5 mins or u'll know"
I said : " why i have to go?"
Mom told dad nevermind if i don't wanna go then they left,
and i was shouting and crying till there's no tears and voice left...

No broadband,
No astro card,
just me alone...

I decided to cycle to Yan's house,
And DAMN!! No key for the bicycle's lock too???
Are you kidding with me, god??
Why?
Grr!!!

The worst day EVER!!!

I KNOW I"M VERY STUPID FOR DOING THIS...